


Easy

by lifewouldnotbelikeliterature



Category: One Direction
Genre: Crying, Feels, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-25
Updated: 2013-07-25
Packaged: 2017-12-21 06:57:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/897222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifewouldnotbelikeliterature/pseuds/lifewouldnotbelikeliterature
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They could have anyone in the world, but all they wanted was each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Easy

Things had been different for a while now. It had always been ‘Harry and Louis’, ‘Louis and Harry’ but now instead of a unit, interdependent on one another to function they had never felt more apart. The distance they felt from one another stretching further and further now coming to the point where it was questionable if it could ever go away. It was becoming questionable if they could ever or would ever be ‘them’ again. As they went to take their final bow, the five of them interlocking arms forcing them into a line, Harry felt Louis hand touch his shoulder and immediately jerk back. He looked over; making eye contact with the older boy for what seemed like the first time the whole night and where he used to see love and adoration, mischief and laughter Harry stared into eyes he felt like he no longer knew. Looking at Harry Louis felt a pang of something. Regret? Sadness? Loss? 

He shook his head and looked down, breaking the moment quickly. Because that way it was easy. Just like it had been easy to date a girl, because that’s what boys in boy bands do. Just like it had been easier to drift apart from his best friend, his Harry, instead of having to admit to himself what he really felt. It was easy to do those things. And so often we mistake what is easy for what is right.

The lights went out and they all clambered off stage. Adrenaline still at fever pitch. It was these moments they used to love spending together the most. These moments, when the screams could still be heard, when their ears were ringing, pupils blown wide at the intensity of what they were doing, they would look across the enclosed space at one another. Euphoria etched on every inch of their faces and bodies. They would be drawn together like magnets, moths to a flame, embracing each other in the tightest of hugs. Harry would be panting, his breath hot against Louis neck and Louis would squeeze tighter as if Harry was his life source, as if letting him go would take this all away. And they would stay like that, for as long as possible. Sometimes a minute, sometimes a couple, sometimes until someone made a joke about them, or said the cars were waiting. They would stay together because when they did, the world slowed down. Nothing else moved because nothing else mattered. When they held each other they captured the most beautiful and the most exciting part of their lives and they held it. They held it still, together. Because they could. 

But now things were different. It was still these moments that stood out as the ones that were important. The feelings were still the same, the exhilaration hadn’t diluted, and they just didn’t share it with each other. The five of them made a circle, latching onto one another with sweaty palms and shaking limbs. This, this feeling they would never get used to, it would never become normal, it was as thrilling the first time and would be until the last. ‘Well dones’ were exchanged and the ever present claim that this was the ‘best one yet’. Then there was a pause, a moment that they all took to just breathe it in. To just stop for a second and think. Heads bowed down as if in prayer they all just stalled for a moment. Harry raised his head to look across the circle to the boy standing opposite him. Louis head hung low, eyes closed taking deep breaths. And for a moment Harry just watched. He watched the boy that he once knew so well he could almost predict his next movement. He watched the boy he had spent so many of these incredible, insane, life changing moments with. He watched him and a million emotions ran through his body sweeping through his veins like a shot of morphine. And then he closed his eyes too, blocking it out because that was easy. 

As they were going to leave Harry realized that he had left his phone charger in the dressing room.   
‘Shit’ he murmured to himself ‘Niall mate, I’ve left my charger in the dressing room, wait there for me will you?’  
Niall shouted back that he had to hurry up, that they wouldn’t be able to wait long and needed to get to their hotel, but Harry discarded the warning with a wave of his hand breaking into a jog.   
Meanwhile Louis who had jumped into the other car beside Liam and Zayn shifted in his seat uncomfortably.  
‘Reckon there’s time for me to run in and take a piss?’ he asked.  
‘Umm,’ Liam began, ‘I don’t think so mate, and can’t you just hold it? It’s only like 15 minutes to the hotel.’  
Louis unbuckled his seatbelt saying, ’15 minutes too many. Wait for me’   
With that he jumped out of the car and headed back into the main building trying to recall where the nearest bathroom was, pushed for time he decided to just head back to their dressing room. 

Harry looked up when he heard the door open; he was under one of the tables unplugging his charger from what had to be the most inconvenient place to put a socket. Seeing Louis he made to stand up, bumping his head on the underside of the desk and cursing under his breath. Louis, stepping out of the bathroom, turned towards the noise and almost despite himself let out what came close to a laugh.   
Harry stood up, and the two made eye contact for the second time that night.  
‘I was getting my umm,’ began Harry  
‘I was just taking’, said Louis  
‘Charger’ Harry finished feebly  
‘A piss’ Louis mumbled  
Seconds past, with downcast eyes and shifting feet.  
‘Well we’d better just, head back to the um, to the cars yeah?’ asked Harry  
‘Yea right, yea we should’ Louis said back, opening the door again and holding it for Harry. Old habits die hard.

They walked down the now deserted corridor in silence. The only sound was their feet rhythmically slapping on the floor. Harry thought back to just how many moments he had spent alone with Louis, how many exchanges they had throughout the times they had known each other. He couldn’t, until the last month, recall one that had ever been uncomfortable, awkward or even relatively unenjoyable. It was the reason they were who they were. Their relationship from the start had been what was easy.

They were drawn to each other, always had been. Being with one another felt right and good and complete. It was like they provided the calm in the chaos of their life. They were each other’s haven, where they came to find balance, to just be. There was never any expectation and there was never any judgement. Louis was part of him. But now that part had been torn from him. He had felt complete for so little time before he was again ripped into tiny shards and left to pick up the pieces. Left to attempt making them fit together once again. Harry had done well so far, he had gathered the scattered parts and slowly put himself back together. Alone he had gone through the pain of losing his best friend. Alone he had gone through the pain of accepting he was gone. Accepting that maybe he would never find that piece again. The piece Louis had been. 

Louis was absorbed in his mind too, thoughts swirling in every corner of his mind, clouding his vision until he was living right there in his memories. Back to the first night things had been different. 

He had had enough. It was trending that he was gay and he had had enough. Louis was so confused. Discovering your sexuality is something people find easy or something people find more difficult but it is something everyone has to deal with in their life and is something that should never be forced upon an individual. Louis was just so confused. He had so many voices in his head telling him to think about what he was doing. Think about what feels good. Think about what feels right. Think about what they will say. Think about what they would want. Think about what is easy. And the loudest voice in his head. Think about Harry. Because that was it really. Harry. He was the only person who had ever made him feel anything real. Louis didn’t think that was because he was a boy. Louis thought that was because he was Harry. His Harry. He suddenly felt so angry at everything. So angry at himself, at the fans, at the world. He opened the hotel room door and stalked into the room he was sharing with Harry. Slamming the door and throwing himself down onto his bed he wallowed in self hate. The anger he was feeling was swelling, he could almost taste it. Bitter and metallic on his tongue. 

Harry walked out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, brow furrowed. His face smoothed when he saw him. His features breaking into one of his smiles that he reserved for Louis.  
‘Lou,’ he grinned, ‘why you trying to break the door? What did it do to you hmm?’  
He walked over to perch on the side of his bed. Reaching over the poke Louis playfully in the side where he knew he was ticklish.  
‘Stop it Harry,’ Louis replied sharply, voice slightly muffled as he face was in his pillow.  
‘Lou?’ Harry said worriedly, ‘is everything alright? You seem kinda..’  
‘Kinda what Harry? Kinda pissed off? Yea that would probably be because I’m so fucking sick of everything. I’m sick of the fans, I’m sick of the gay rumours, I’m just I’ve had it man, I’m so fucking done with all of it’ Louis spat.  
Harry sat back, tugging at his bottom lip with his fingers. He went to reach towards Louis to comfort his best friend. He went to draw him close. To make things better. To hold him. Because that’s what they did. They held each other. Both physically when they needed it, but also in theory they held each other together. But Louis recoiled from the touch, shrinking further into himself. And whispering, ‘I'm sick of you.’  
That night Louis had made things change. He had done it on purpose because it was easier that way. 

They had reached the doors to where their cars should have been waiting but when they stepped outside, the cool air covering them like a blanket they saw only one black vehicle. That wasn’t right. When possible they didn’t travel together. Louis went with Zayn and Liam, Harry with Niall. Looking around in confusion, Harry stopped the nearest crew member and asked them where the other car was. The guy said that they had decided to take Liam, Zayn and Niall home together before the build up of fans got too much. So Harry and Louis would just have to ride home together.

Louis’ eyes widened in panic, he did not need a fifteen minute car ride alone with Harry. He didn’t need it and he didn’t want it. It would be so uncomfortable for both parties but right now it looked completely unavoidable. Harry’s eyes were on his feet. Saddened by the knowledge that Louis was actually getting worried about travelling alone for 15 minutes with him. They used to spend hours on end together, never tiring of each other and never running out of things to say. Times alone with Louis had always been easy. He walked towards the car pulling out his phone to distract himself. 

What should have been a 15 minute car journey was still going 40 minutes later. Apparently a One Direction concert caused a lot more traffic than any of them knew and with bumper to bumper jams it didn’t seem like they were going anywhere very quickly. Louis had asked for the radio to be put on and the songs were breaking the silence.   
Harry was staring fixedly out of the window trying to make the cars in front disappear with the power of his own mind when the song came on. The opening chords that they both knew so well and the first line, ‘sweet disposition’. He turned his head towards Louis whose shoulders had stiffened at the recognisation of the song. The older boy moved to look towards Harry. 

They just stared at one another. Sadness was practically flooding from every ounce of their bodies. They just stared. Unable to communicate a single thought in their minds. Louis reached his hand out onto the unoccupied middle seat. An offer. An offer Harry took. He stretched his hand out too, meeting Louis’ shaking fingers with his own. Their fingers clasped together. Joining them. They held on to one another like they used to. Like they should. They were anchoring one another, bridging that gap that had appeared so suddenly out of nowhere. For the first time in so long, Louis was allowing himself to feel.   
In the rapidly fading twilight, surrounded by thousands of strangers they felt completely alone. The world fell away and they were back in that space. They were back in the place where they had once found solace and happiness and maybe even love. In the dimly lit backseat of a car, they held hands as a silent promise that things would be ok again. 

When they reached the hotel the moment had long passed. Harry had felt it slipping away before the song had even ended. He could sense Louis shrinking back into the ‘No Harry’s Allowed’ shell he had been in for so long. Harry didn’t know what to do. His brain was screaming to ask ‘why?’ He had wanted to ask that from the start. Why did this stop? Why did you leave me? Why are you with her? Because that stung more than anything else. 

He hadn’t only lost his best friend, because Harry and Louis were more than that. When he lost Louis he had lost the most important person in his life. And he wanted to know why. But of course he didn’t ask. Instead, he took the elevator up to his room and sat alone. Keeping the blinds open he looked out of the huge glass window over the city lights. What a view, but like most of the beautiful and amazing things Harry had seen in the last while, he wanted someone to share it with. He wanted Louis. 

Only a thin wall apart Louis sat looking at the same view and wishing once again that he didn’t feel this way. He leant up against the wall that separated his and Harry’s room and slid down onto the floor, back against the physical divide between them. Frustration welling up inside him he slammed his head back against the wall causing a bang. Footsteps padded on carpet at the other side and he heard a hushed, ‘Lou?’  
Louis closed his eyes, savoring the feeling that Harry’s voice gave him.  
He turned to face the wall, whispering back, ‘yea?’  
‘You ok?’ Harry asked. And Louis knew he wasn’t referring to the noise he had made. The innocent question, that people exchange every day, was deeper than that. Harry wanted to know why. And Louis wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell him that what he was doing was supposed to be making things easier. It was supposed to be making things better. He wanted things to be simple. But he didn’t say any of those things, instead replying with a simple.  
‘No.’  
There was silence at the other side. Louis leant his palm against the cold wall, willing it to reach Harry.   
‘Me neither,’ was the muffled reply.

And in a daze, clouded by the thoughts of too many 2AM’s spent alone in the last few months, of too many tear stained pillows and restless, lonely sleeps, Louis stood up and walked out of his room. Bare feet on the carpet he walked to the door next to his and knocked timidly. It opened almost immediately.  
And without a word Harry took his hand and pulled him into his room, the door closing softly behind them. Silently they climbed into the double bed and under the duvet. Shifting positions only for a moment before finding the fit. The natural ease at which they slotted together never failed to amaze them both. Louis closed his eyes, letting out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. They lay there, eyes open, bodies close together, and the sound of the city below them.

This silence was different. This silence was one that could have stretched on comfortably for an eternity and they would have been happy. This was the silence that if broken or kept was something to be enjoyed. They lay together. Thoughts running endless laps in each other’s minds but nothing was said. The moment was held onto. Because neither knew what they were doing or why. Neither knew what this would do to them or how they would feel in the morning. Neither knew why tonight was the night they finally caved, letting each other feel what they really felt.   
As they lay there together, breathing slowing, eyelids drooping and consciousness ebbing away, one thought was prevalent in both of the boy’s minds.   
This, was easy.

**Author's Note:**

> Started this and didn't really know where it was going, but anything that ends up with Larry cuddles makes me happy. Please leave comments telling me how to improve/what you thought! Thanks x


End file.
